Why you will absolutely regret sleep training your baby

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Sleep training is a highly debated topic among parents and rightfully so. Some believe it is necessary for their child's development, while others believe it can be detrimental to their attachment. If you're considering sleep training, it's important to understand both sides of the argument. I believe that as moms, we are heavily shown one side of the argument and lead to believe that sleep training is the only option. (The sleep training industry also makes a killing on us.) Dr. William Sears has created the 7 B’s of Attachment Parenting, 5 of which are directly related to avoiding sleep training. 1. Read and respond to your baby’s cues 2. Breastfeeding 3. Babywearing 4. Bedding close to baby (bedsharing) 5. Beware of baby trainers. These 5 items will give you the confidence to listen to your instincts and parent the way it was naturally designed.

I have two children and have done sleep training with one and not the other. I can easily say that I would not go back to sleep training if I were to have more children, because I now know so much more information and realize that it is not my only option. Here are some reasons why you might choose not to sleep train your child. And I say “you might choose,” because it is ultimately your choice and this is simply my experience. I cannot account for every family’s individual needs. I can just share helpful information to hopefully show you that you have more options than you may realize.

Sleep training goes against instinctual parenting

Babies are born with a natural instinct to seek closeness and comfort from their caregivers, primarily because human infants are born extremely vulnerable and dependent. This innate desire for physical contact and closeness serves several important purposes. Firstly, it helps to regulate the baby's body temperature, heart rate, and stress levels. Being held by a caregiver provides a sense of security and safety for the infant, helping them feel protected and reassured in a big, unfamiliar world. Additionally, close physical contact with a caregiver encourages the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, which promotes bonding and attachment between the baby and their caregiver. Overall, this early bonding and attachment play a crucial role in the baby's emotional and social development, laying the foundation for healthy relationships later in life. Sleep training, which often involves leaving a baby to cry it out, can be traumatic for both the baby and the parent. Many parents believe that responding to their baby's needs and providing comfort when they're upset is the most instinctual and natural way to parent. While I do believe it is of utmost importance to use our instinctual parenting, I understand that not everyone’s circumstances will allow them to do so. In a world where we are surrounded by constant information overload, baby tracking apps, doctors telling us that our babies should be sleeping through the night, etc. I am here to tell you that the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to cut out all the noise, sit down and truly think about what your baby needs and how you can best meet that need. There were so many times as a new mom that I Googled E V E R Y L I T T L E T H I N G, but if I would have just stopped and used my God-given talents as a mother, I would have known how to handle the situation. But instead, I would do something that Sally Sue said helped her baby back in 2013 and then I would be even more frustrated and overwhelmed because it wasn’t helping my baby and now I was really lost. We are the best caregivers for our babies and it is so important that we listen to our gut and natural instinct. This might look like contact naps while we sit on the couch and binge watch the latest Love is Blind season, nap in a carrier while we clean the house or co-sleeping. We have options.

It can negatively impact attachment

Studies have shown that responsive parenting and a secure attachment bond are crucial for a child's healthy emotional development. Healthy attachment in a baby is crucial for their overall development and well-being. Attachment refers to the emotional bond that forms between a baby and their primary caregiver, usually the mother or father. This bond is essential for the baby's sense of security, comfort, and trust in the world around them. When a baby feels securely attached to their caregiver, they are more likely to explore their surroundings, develop social skills, and regulate their emotions effectively.

There are several key indicators of a healthy attachment in a baby. These include seeking comfort from the caregiver when upset, showing joy and excitement when the caregiver is present, and being able to calm down when comforted by the caregiver. Caregivers can promote healthy attachment by responding promptly to the baby's cues, being sensitive to their needs, and providing a safe and nurturing environment. By fostering a secure attachment relationship, caregivers can lay the foundation for the baby's future relationships and emotional well-being.Sleep training can interfere with this bond and lead to feelings of abandonment and mistrust. Many parents believe that prioritizing their child's emotional needs over their own sleep needs is worth the sacrifice. Some will argue that they were able to sleep train their baby and after a few nights they stopped crying and while yes, that is probably true, their baby stopped crying because they no longer believed anyone was going to come for them. Not sleep training can foster a stronger parent-child bond. By responding to their baby's needs and cues during the night, parents can build trust and security with their child, creating a nurturing environment that promotes healthy attachment and emotional well-being.

It's not a one-size-fits-all solution

Every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Some babies may naturally sleep through the night early on, while others may wake frequently for many months. Some parents may find that gentle sleep training methods work well for their family, while others may prefer to co-sleep or respond to their child's needs throughout the night. Some babies naturally develop better sleep habits as they grow, while others may require more time and patience. By not sleep training, parents can allow their baby to develop their own natural sleep rhythms without the pressure of conforming to a specific schedule. From personal experience and from talking to other moms, your children will have varying sleep needs. With our oldest daughter, we chose to move her to her own room when she was under one year old and when she would go through regressions we would try a gentle version of sleep training (mainly because we thought if we didn’t then she wouldn’t ever learn to sleep on her own.) With our youngest daughter, there was absolutely no way she was going to sleep anywhere besides our bed. With our first I would have never imagined co-sleeping, with our second I couldn’t see any other way to make it work. All of this to say that you have to decide what is best for your individual child and your family at that time and work with what you have. Do your research and make sure you understand both sides as well as safe sleeping techniques, whether that is in a crib or in your bed.

It could harm Breastfeeding

Responsive nighttime parenting (a.k.a. not sleeping training,) can have several benefits for breastfeeding mothers and their babies. When babies are allowed to nurse on demand throughout the night, it can help establish and maintain a healthy milk supply for the mother. Frequent nursing at night stimulates the production of prolactin, the hormone responsible for milk production. This can be particularly beneficial during the early months when establishing breastfeeding.

Additionally, not sleep training can also promote a strong bond between the mother and baby. Responding to a baby's nighttime needs promptly can help build trust and security, leading to a more secure attachment. This can have long-term benefits for the child's emotional well-being and development. By meeting the baby's needs during the night, mothers can also help regulate the baby's sleep patterns naturally, as babies often start sleeping for longer stretches as they grow older and their needs change.

Overall, not sleep training in relation to breastfeeding can support the breastfeeding relationship, promote maternal milk supply, and foster a strong emotional bond between the mother and baby. It is important for mothers to find a feeding and sleeping routine that works best for both themselves and their baby, taking into account individual needs and preferences. Read more about my breastfeeding must-haves here.

Additional Resources

I think we have all seen multiple social media accounts for sleep training, but some of my favorite accounts that talk about biologically normal infant sleep and how to do so safely are @heysleepybaby and @cosleepy

Ultimately, the decision to sleep train or not is a personal one that should be based on your own values and your child's individual needs. It's important to seek out resources and support that align with your parenting philosophy, and to trust your instincts as a caregiver. While sleep training may work for some families, it's important to consider the individual needs and preferences of both the baby and the parents. If you choose to co sleep or contact nap, please make sure that you are doing so safely.