7 Ways to adjust to life with two kids

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. Please read my terms of use policy for more information.

I always knew I wanted more than one child. I thought anywhere from 2-4. LOL. When we had our 2nd child we knew we were done. Pregnancy and the fourth trimester were rough for me. I am not saying this to scare you, just to prepare you. I had PPD with both of my girls, but it was so much worse after our second. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my girls more than anything in this world, but parenting is a tough job. I would not change it for the world, though.

People often ask if the transition between 0-1 or 1-2 kids is harder. I would say for us 0-1 was more shocking. You don’t quite understand sleep deprivation as a parent (completely different than college era sleep deprivation,) how your hormones will affect you or what you or your partner are going to be like as a parent. However, the transition from 1-2 can be harder logistically. Our girls are almost 3 years apart and they both needed me in completely different ways. It was hard to take care of both of them at the same time. My newborn would need to be fed and my three year old would need me to help her in the bathroom, and without fail they were always at the exact same time. So I had to get creative in how I was going to take care of both of them.

Looking back I think we did a decent job adjusting to two kids, but I also see ways we could have improved. It’s not going to be perfect, you’re going to make mistakes and feel like you’re ruining your children’s’ lives sometimes, but you can do it! Below I’ve listed some tips that I think might help!

Don’t give in to the societal pressure of moving your oldest out of the crib too soon.

This is one of my biggest regrets. My oldest was 2.5 and we decided for Christmas (2 months before we were due with baby) to redo her room and give her a “big girl” room. My thought process behind this was to get her out of the crib before the baby arrived so when the baby was here and I put her in the crib, our oldest wouldn’t feel like we were taking her things to give to the baby. It was a good thought, but it lead to our oldest not napping consistently then eventually stop napping way too soon. There was a honeymoon phase where I genuinely think our oldest didn’t realize she could get out of her big girl bed at her free will. Then she discovered her independence and got up all the time. Once she started to fight back with her nap time, I just threw in the towel. I’m sure there were some other things I could have tried, but you live and you learn and I am SO glad that phase is over.

Prep as much as possible.

We read a bajillion books about becoming a big sister. It was also helpful to act things out with dolls or other objects so she could visually see what we were talking about. One thing we screwed up horribly was not being completely honest with her when it was time for me to go to the hospital. Looking back, my husband and I don’t know what we were thinking and wish we would have approached it differently. We didn’t warn her that her grandma was going to pick her up or that she wouldn’t see me for a few days. I think we didn’t want her to get worked up about it, but ultimately she felt like we left her and she had no clue what was happening. I’m just going to blame the pregnancy brain on that decision.

Never blame the baby for not being able to do something with the older sibling.

An example would be if you were nursing your newborn and your older child asked you to do something with them and you weren’t able to right that second. Instead of saying, “ I can’t right now, I’m feeding your sister” you could say, “Give mommy just a second and I’ll be right there.” The more you blame the baby about not being able to do something with your older kiddo they are going to catch on and feel like the baby has taken a lot away from them and show resentment. Never compare your children to each other. It will only make the child you are comparing feel bad and like they will never be good enough no matter how hard they try. Your children are individuals and should be treated as such.If you have a difficult time balancing everything, it’s okay to ask for help.

“ Never compare your children to each other.”

Have some new-to-them toys on hand.

Ideally I would love to have minimal toys because they truly play better with fewer options, but having something new and exciting can be so helpful during difficult times. Pull them out to entertain, keep quiet, make them feel special. I had a special tote with different toys that my oldest either hadn’t seen in awhile or were new and on the really difficult moments when I couldn’t do two things at once and a meltdown was about to ensue I would whip something out. Bonus- it was also helpful to have a basket of books nearby so if I was nursing I could read to both of them and give us some calm and quiet time together.

Bring a gift from baby to sibling when they first meet.

I think this is a pretty popular tip, but it works wonders. No matter where the two siblings are going to meet for the first time, make sure to have a special gift picked out for the older sibling from the baby. The older sibling will feel so special in the midst of a chaotic time and feel loved from their new sibling.

Make your older child feel special.

After we all started to settle in at home and the newness started to wear off, it was evident that we were going to need to put in some extra work to make sure our oldest still felt special and knew how much we loved her. It’s a big transition for everyone! For us, it was super helpful to make a mental note of some sweet, thoughtful, kind gestures that our oldest did throughout the day then at bedtime we would compliment her or thank her for doing x,y,z. And when we thanked her we would make sure to be as specific as possible. An example: “I noticed you gave your sister her toy when it got away from her. That was so helpful! Thank you for being such a kind big sister.” We would be enthusiastic, but genuine. We wanted her to repeat these behaviors. We also started to do 10 minutes of 1:1 time with each parent. Whenever we had a chance I would spend 10 minutes alone, no distractions (phones put up) doing whatever my 3 year old wanted to do. And then later on my husband would do the same. Although 10 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot, it was super beneficial for all of us. And obviously we are still playing with her throughout the day, but it is not always distraction free.

Get outside!

This is one of my favorites. For both of our girls if nothing else was working, everyone was crying, having a meltdown, losing their mind, etc. we would go outside and just play. Almost instantly the baby would stop crying and my preschooler would find something to play with and completely flip her mood around. Outside truly is a magical place and I highly recommend looking up 1000 Hours Outside if you haven’t already!

This isn’t foolproof, you’re going to try something and it may not work for you. Make it your own and try again another time. Parenting is so much trial and error. You will start to build your confidence of a parent of two and you’ll start to have more wins. It takes time and a lot of it starts with us, the parents. We have to change our mindset and think outside of the box. I’d love to hear your thoughts and what has worked for you. Please feel free to comment below!