9 Things i wish i knew before becoming a mom
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I can’t remember a time that I didn’t dream of being a mom. I actually found an old homework assignment from an 8th grade class. We made a bucket list and one of my items was to be a mom. Fast forward 3 years and I met my high school sweetheart. We dated throughout high school, went away for college, graduated college and eventually got married. We moved into our first house and were enjoying married life. Then I remember very vividly, baby fever hitting us both hard. Almost all of my husband's cousins were having babies and then my best friend had a precious baby boy and that did it for us. We would occasionally watch him and hangout all together. We couldn’t wait to have our own baby. Then 9 months later we welcomed our daughter. Let’s just say we had such a high baby fever that I think we forgot all the not so great things that came with being a new parent. Don’t get me wrong, we wouldn’t have changed a thing, but we felt like our world was turned upside down. Now, 3 years later, we have another daughter and have had time to reflect on our experience. Below I have listed 9 things that I wish I would have known before becoming pregnant.
I remember very vividly, baby fever hitting us both hard.
You truly need to be in your best health/shape as possible
This doesn’t just mean eating healthier and exercising fairly regularly. You really need to be doing those things on top of getting to the root cause of any issues you may be facing. You’ll want to make sure your gut health is top notch, which can take a lot of work. Any issues you might be experiencing you could also pass down to your baby, which can be devastating. Here’s how I finally achieved optimum health (AFTER my first and second.) I highly recommend following @whatcaitate and @just.ingredients on Instagram.
There’s 4 trimesters, not just 3
Man the 4th trimester… it’s a rough one, at least it has been for me. The 4th trimester is the first 3 months after the baby is born. You’re experiencing sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, potentially experiencing baby blues, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety and your partner might not be as helpful as you would like simply because they’re clueless about this new role, too. Here’s a post with tips on surviving the 4th trimester.
Colic is a symptom, not a diagnosis
Obviously we know babies are going to cry, but sometimes it’s more. I thought my daughter was fussy and potentially considered “colicky” then we had our second. That girl would cry for hours on end. I would just rotate different ways to help until she would finally calm down; breastfeed, rock, bounce, skin-to-skin, white noise, outside, bath and repeat about 5-6 times until something finally clicked. I brought it up to the pediatrician, because it was excessive and I was struggling mentally. She told me it was normal and if it got bad again, that I could lay my baby down in her crib, leave her to cry and walk away for 10 minutes. Now I understand that there might be a mom out there who has no other options and might cause harm to her baby, so this would be a better solution. But it’s really terrible advice. There are so many questions she could have asked me to help her get to the root cause. Thanks to a Bioresonance scan, we now know that she has a sensitivity to dairy along with some other gut issues and low iron. I also suggest following @littlemoverspt on Instagram who is a big advocate to not settle with a “colic diagnosis.”
Breastfeeding is beyond challenging
Before my first, I knew I wanted to breastfeed and I knew it would be difficult, I just didn’t know what challenges it would bring. I highly recommend to get in touch with an IBCLC near you. If they offer any classes before the baby is due, take them. Even if your hospital offers lactation consulting, I suggest finding an independent one. Even better if they offer to come to your house. My IBCLC caught my first daughter’s torticollis and my second daughter’s tongue and lip ties before anyone else, actually the pediatrician denied any problems (which is why you should listen to your gut if you’re not on the same page as your pediatrician.) Read more about my breastfeeding essentials here.
It’s okay to accept help
For some unknown reason, when my first was born I didn’t want to accept help from anyone besides my husband. It was like I had something to prove. To whom? I’m not sure…Maybe myself? Looking back I could have used all the help in the world. If I could go back I would have accepted the help. The help to let me nap, shower, get out for a bit, clean (or even let me clean because the mess was stressing me out.) I talk more about cleaning and decluttering here. I suggest following @declutteranddwell
It’s okay if you don’t use your bassinet and/or crib
With my first I was terrified to bedshare. I had heard horror stories, the hospital drilled it in our heads to not sleep with the baby and then the pediatrician would always ask if she was sleeping alone. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. There are some parents who don’t take the appropriate precautions and do cause harm to their baby. For us, there were nights that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay awake while feeding her. So, do I keep sitting up while feeding her and potentially drop her or do I put her in bed with me so we can both get some rest and do it safely? So on the occasional night she had trouble I would end up laying her by me in bed. Now, this was when she was a little older, after I had slept with her in dangerous positions sitting up in our bed. Now with my second we bedshared from the get-go. I am so lucky that I found a website with resources about how to safely co-sleep which you can find here. I’m not suggesting one way or another, I’m suggesting that you find what works best for you and your family and tune out what everyone else has to say. You know what you need and what your baby needs, so listen to your gut. I also recommend following @heysleepbaby and @cosleepy to learn more
You don’t have to sleep train
To tag onto the last point… you don’t have to sleep train your baby. There is a HUGE push to sleep train babies. Our society wants new mothers to bounce right back to where they were before getting pregnant; going back to work, being social, dating their spouse, etc. New moms can’t do all these things if they are sleep deprived, so we have taken it upon ourselves to say that babies need to change the way they sleep, so we can get back to the way things were before they were born.
I think I can speak from experience that it depends on your baby’s temperament. We partially/ mostly sleep trained our first and couldn’t even fathom sleep training our second. It is completely up to you how you handle your child’s sleep. Again, you know what you and your family need. Just know you are not required to do something because it seems like everyone else is doing it as well. No matter which one you choose, your baby/ toddler/ pre-schooler is gong to have rough nights, just like we do as adults. Our kiddos will eventually sleep better and all night. Follow @heysleepybaby to help you support your child achieve better sleep.
Mother Nature is your new bff
Being a mom is tough, to say the least. Oftentimes it can feel isolating. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed, your baby/toddler is fussy then get outside ASAP. Not only will some sunshine help boost your mood and relieve some stress, the outdoors can provide endless entertainment for your little ones. It’s magical. Follow @1000hoursoutside
You don’t always have to rush to use medicine
As a new mom I would always sprint to ibuprofen or tylenol if our daughter had a fever, teething pain, etc. Then I listened to a podcast @just.ingredients speaking with @DrAnaMarieTemple discussing treatment of common colds, fevers, pain, etc. She gives some great advice and backs it up with data and research. I also highly recommend reading her book here.
Now I don’t claim to know everything about parenting or being a mom. I’m constantly learning new information, researching topics, and trying to figure out what is best for my girls. But, I do hope that you learned some new information about being a mom and some great accounts to follow along the way. Parenting is all about trial and error and figuring out what works best for you and your family. Wishing you the best on your parenting journey!
